Cinema Therapy — Charlyne Gelt, Ph.D.

Rocketman

"And I think it's gonna be a long long time
'Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone
Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don't understand It's . . . "
From Rocketman by Elton John

The soul needs love. ROCKETMAN, the story of Elton John’s 1970s breakthrough as a musical genius, is about a soul’s drive for love. The lavishly produced biopic musical, starring Taron Egerton as Elton, directed by Dexter Fletcher, and written by Lee Hall, is structured around Elton’s most beloved songs and follows his transformation from a shy, fearful piano prodigy to an international superstar. Born Reginald Kenneth Dwight, he chooses the name Elton Hercules John after another musician tells him, “You have to kill the person you were born to be to be the person you want to be.” This shy kid off-stage becomes a strutting peacock on-stage and it changes everything.

Performing at L.A.’s Troubadour with the Beach Boys, singing “Crocodile Rock,” Elton literally levitates and so does the audience along with him. But when he leaves the stage and the lights go dark, Elton’s melancholy, loneliness, fear, and pain-masking addictions take over to the point where he entertains suicide. His suicidal ideation even pops up in his song lyrics, such as, Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me.

ROCKETMAN views Elton’s life from the perspective of his 1990s rehabilitation during which time he uses his therapy group to exorcise his personal demons ― the emotional deprivation of his childhood, the coldness of his repressed middle-class dad, and his self-centered, narcissistic, emotionally abusive mum. In the first group therapy scene, Elton, wearing an outrageous orange feathered and goat-horned costume, reveals his struggles with alcohol, drugs, anger management, and even shopping. He also struggles to navigate his world as a homosexual. On stage, he keeps himself glued together in front of an adoring audience by masking himself in elaborate and gaudy costumes then pushes himself “out there” to get the approval he craves. He needs constant mirroring, validation, and approval, but, like his addictions, the comfort it offers is only temporary. Simply put, Elton’s inner and outer world don’t match ― “looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.”

While his main source of solace has always been his music, he develops a friendship with the singer-songwriter Bernie Taupin (Jamie Bell), a poet whose lyrics bind the two men in a lifetime friendship and professional collaboration. Through their relationship, we witness Elton’s transition from a lonely, unloved, fearful child, to one of the most iconic figures in pop music history. He begins healing the emotional poverty of his childhood.

Psychological Implications: Narcissistic Injury; coping strategies masks & addictions
Psychologically, Elton is a mixture of entitlement, emotional deprivation, and neediness stemming from the wounds and emptiness of his parental environment ― fertile ground for the “narcissistic wound” we see acted out in his addictions.

Narcissism is not simply a diagnosis; it is a family disease. A “narcissistic injury” is a wound to the developing child. ROCKETMAN illustrates how Elton’s deep-seeded sense of inadequacy, his fear of falling apart, and his shame of being “unwanted, and unloved”, results in his insatiable hunger for validation and approval. His music has been his primary protective coping strategy around a critical, cold parental environment, but as therapists know, a survival technique that works to protect in childhood may not work in adulthood. It can backfire, creating blockages in our bodies that sabotage us from receiving the full flow of our life force. It is no longer enough. Elton added addictions as another way of coping with his abandonment, but they, too, turned against him. He became suicidal.

Behind the Mask
Like so many who hit an emotional bottom while still looking put-together, Elton’s used alcohol and drugs to numb his depression and anxiety which kept him from “living in the full force of aliveness.” He experienced “a death of the soul.” Recovery is the only answer, but recovery is frightening. In the film, Elton fears removing his masks, facing the unknown, and doesn’t feel ready for the emotional heroics needed to change. Eventually, he persists. And benefits.

In reality, we all have a mask, or a social persona. And approval seekers (like Elton John) are fearful of letting anyone see the real person hidden behind closed doors. Even in its milder expression ― as people-pleasers ― we are still smiling to cover up our own anxiety or fear of rejection if we dare show our “truth.” It takes courage to do that, which is what many discover when they enter therapy.

Human Need for Validation
Many psychologists believe that change can occur in the relatedness to another person. In this case, Elton’s long-term working relationship with lyricist Bernie Taupin was healing, later in life he falls in love with film producer David Furnish and in 2014 they marry. These relationships helped heal the wounds of Elton’s childhood, his loneliness, and his addictions (he’s now been sober for nearly 30 years). He and his husband have two children.

We all need affirmation of our value, understood as self-object needs, to be the gleam in somebody's eye (Kohut 1971; 1977; 1984). When such normal childhood dependency needs are unmet from the parental environment, the developing child experiences the narcissistic wound described above.

Psychotherapists have described the traumas of early life and the inherent precariousness of impermanence. Elton’s childhood emotional environment was certainly traumatic. But trauma is a fact of life. Rather than trying to “get over” our traumas, there is another approach: the way out is through a relational home in which it can be metabolized, and Elton John found his healing in the relationship with David Furnish.

ROCKETMAN leads us to question our own masks: When do you put on a “game face” or hide behind a façade? What do you think would happen if you didn’t do that? What could you change to feel more alive? The traumas of shame and wounding in ROCKETMAN can be understood as a metaphor for “something within that “needs to die” before you can really live!

Charlyne Gelt, Ph.D. (PSY22909) is a clinical psychologist who practices in Encino. She leads Women's Empowerment Groups that help women learn the tools to move beyond self-destructive relationship patterns. She may be reached at 818.501.4123 or cgelt@earthlink.net. Her office address is 16055 Ventura Blvd. #1129 Encino, CA 91436.