Cinema Therapy — Charlyne Gelt, Ph.D.

The Perfect Family

The Perfect Family is a Spanish-language Netflix Original film by director Arantxa Echevarría and writer Olatz Arroyo. This comedy/drama delves deep into the psychology of family, societal expectations, and personal conflict.

The story revolves around Pablo (Gonzalo Ramos) and Sara (Carolina Yuste), a young couple deeply in love. Pablo's posh, status-conscious mother, Lucia (Belén Rueda), isn't pleased with her son’s choice, but tolerates it for his happiness and to keep the peace. However, when she actually meets her son's rambunctious, loud-mouthed girlfriend, and her free-spirited, underprivileged family in their cramped apartment, Lucia is horrified. This is far from the life Lucia has pictured for her handsome, successful son. She manages to hold on to her dignity while enduring the embarrassment of finding herself in a world she would never visit let alone inhabit.

Lucia’s son’s passionate relationship with Sara forces Lucia to begin to look at her own rigid lifestyle and most particularly her loveless but “perfect” marriage. Lucia has lived her whole life fulfilling society’s expectations of a loving wife and mother.

An opportunity for change comes when Sara's sensuous father, Miguel (Jose Coronado), seduces the love-hungry Lucia at the young couple's wedding, leading her into a confrontation with her "shadow" and a the inevitable transformative journey that follows through which she embraces qualities she had once renounced.

In the end, Lucia decides to take a huge risk, face the social implications, and leave the security she has known in her marriage. Sacrificing her marriage and lifestyle, Lucia cuts her hair, gets a job, and reclaims her sense of identity and finds her lost self.

Psychological Implications
We can view the characters' dynamics in The Perfect Family, and get a basic understanding of the psychological concepts involved, by seeing the film from both the family systems perspective, and the "shadow" perspective, which makes viewing it even more interesting.

The Family systems Perspective
The family systems perspective views the whole family as an emotional unit, and focuses on the interdependency of the individual parts. The movie illustrates the emotional environment and the relationship dynamics of two different family systems: one cold and “perfect,” the other chaotic, friendly and loving. For example, Pablo upsets the family applecart when he falls in love with “wild” Sara. That triggers the change in Lucia that awakens her repressed shadow and ends up influencing their entire family system, which leads to additional changes in other members, and in the family relationship dynamics. We see a coming together, and a recognition, that different is okay. The strengths inherent in both families become integrated into effective vitality; rebalanced. Change lifts them all.

The Shadow Perspective
“Shadow” is a word coined by CG Jung to sum up what each of us represses, fears, despises, and cannot accept in ourselves.

Let’s take a look at the hidden shadow in The Perfect Family movie, which isn't just about Lucia's story; it dives deep into the subconscious of each of the characters. How is it that Pablo is drawn to Sara, a loud-mouthed, rambunctious, uneducated woman, when he could please his family by choosing a beautiful, educated socialite? In Sara, he is drawn to his personal shadow. He is also drawn to his family’s shadow through Sara’s chaotic family interactions.

This is not to say that a low evaluation of self is correct; it could be something that was handed down to us from our family of origin ─ core beliefs about certain qualities, for example. So, anything we perceive (correctly or not) as "not right" within us may be "shadow" content. The task is making peace with long-rejected elements within.

While Lucia's life is lavish, it lacks genuine warmth, something Sara's world overflows with. Pablo's attraction to Sara may reflect his unconscious desire for what's missing in his life — a concept akin to being drawn to one's own shadow. Lucia's affair with Miguel isn't just about their relationship, but also a reflection of her need for warmth and intimacy, absent in her marriage. When Lucia takes charge of her life, breaking societal molds, it's her journey of reconciling with the parts of herself she had long suppressed.

Pablo’s relationship with Sara, while seen as a threat to Lucia's societal standing, is the catalyst for Lucia's introspection. It prompts her to confront her “shadow,” and own her desires, which she had previously denied or projected onto others. This confrontation with her "shadow" is what leads Lucia on a transformative journey.

In the end, the film portrays not a resolution of differences, but a celebration of them. Both families come to realize the value in diversity, and the unique strengths that each brings to the table. The climax showcases a blend of vitality and balance, proving change can be the ultimate blessing.

Clear as the Nose on Your Face
The Perfect Family is also an example of why it’s helpful to use films as an adjunct to therapy. It’s just not easy to see our own shadow parts, although to others our flaws may be “Clear as the nose on your face.” But not to us! Movies can help us see “the nose on our face” more clearly. It holds up that mirror so we can ask ourselves, "Am I seeing myself?" Here, through Paul’s and Sara’s loving relationship, Lucia’s was able to see, as though in a mirror, what she hungered for yet denied herself. Then, bravely, she took action, embraced her own shadow self, and did something about it.

Charlyne Gelt, Ph.D. (PSY22909) is a clinical psychologist who practices in Encino. She leads Women's Empowerment Groups that help women learn the tools to move beyond self-destructive relationship patterns. She may be reached at 818.501.4123 or cgelt@earthlink.net. Her office address is 16055 Ventura Blvd. #1129 Encino, CA 91436.